I DON’T KNOW WHATS HAPPENING????

I am feeling very weird. I get the impression no one understands me. I cannot think of a single name who could be said to understand why what I am doing is not wrong (it might not necessarily be correct). I am been misunderstood by one and all. According to many people, there is no justification in what I do. I have lost it. My relatives think that I am been very "high and mighty” and am very choosy about what I want. I have heard the phrase “beggars can’t be choosers” quite a lot over the past few days. Suddenly I have become a high flier. My friends think that there is only one side to my personality. If I am with them I always ought to kid around. The serious side of me should never come forth. If by misfortune that part of me surfaces then I am supposed to deal with it all alone. When I am ‘NORMAL’ I am given the opportunity to be back with them. We are back on square one. The same old time pass has to continue. The funda is not to take me seriously. COME ON GUYS, there is another side of me which is not always there for everyone to see. At times it just comes up. Even I can’t do anything about it. Even I have ambitions. They might be less in comparison to others but they are there. The people’s perception about me is not correct. I have lent my shoulder to loads of people loads of time. I don’t wanna show of. But I have been there for people without them asking for it. Now, when I need support there is no one, ABSOLUTELY NO ONE. A very sorry state of affairs. I know I will be fine in due course of time. But this is feeling of LONELINESS rankles me a lot. Will it ever go away??? Will I ever have a friend/ partner who would understand me? With whom I would not need to say things. The person would just understand. Will someone ever play that role with me?? There were people who came close to it, but now they are not there. Things have changed. There is no one. Is it that people are turning a blind eye towards me? Are they taking me for granted?? Why? This should not happen. I am hoping from the bottom of my heart that things improve. Pray for me.

One of my friends always tells me not expect things from anyone. I have never agreed to her. I always used to say that we can expect stuff from our close ones. But, today I hat to say this, I guess she is right. I will try not to expect anything from anyone in the future. It’s going to be really tough.

The Nocturnal Me!!

Its 03:00 hours (that means three in the morning!!). I don’t know why I am writing this. But it rounds off a perfect day of planning and implementation (a very imp. HR function :)) for me. I dozed off in the evening with the intention of sleeping till nine, having dinner and then STUDY.. But at 6:30PM (tell me, is it morning or evening???) my sleep was woken by some shouting on the floor below. That particular floor is blessed with a TV set. I thought may be India (Sourav Ganguly in particular) must be playing well. I rushed down to be greeted by the dismal sight of India’s wicket tumbling like… (Cant think of a good metaphor!!). Anyways saw the match and went for my dinner at 9:00 PM (Trust me I am enjoying this!!). for a change the dinner was good and for the first time in the grand history of ICFAI Business School, Prashant Chaturvedi (Enrollment No. 06BS-2353) had three, yes, I am not kidding, THREE rotis. Man, I ROCK!!! Then with the noble intention of studying, armed with my Business Research Method (BRM) books I headed for the war front, the LIBRARY. (bas maa ke aashirwad kee kamee thee!!). I collected The Times Of India, The Hindu and sat down to read the paper. I thought I would catch up on world news (actually meaning cricket news. You have to agree I am honest.) and then conquer BRM. But that was not to be. One of my friends from Calcutta called up. After having a short chat with him (15 min to be precise) I went back to the warfront. After catching up on world news :). I opened my BRM book. Suddenly I started feeling very tired. So, I ended up reading John Wright’s Indian Summers (a really NICE book) for an hour and a half. I left the library at 00:00 hrs. (Guess!!). I came back to my room with the thought of dozing away to glory. But that was not to be. I dropped into Pokee and Dattu’s room (if it can be called that!!) and saw that they were watching Lage Raho Munna Bhai. Shamefull as it may appear, but I had not seen the movie. So ended up watching the movie (which is really EXCELLENT). Came back to my room at 2:15 AM. My room resembled a dhobi ghat. So, tidied up and kept all my dried and washed clothes in the cupboard. Right now there is a birthday party going on the floor below. All the idiots are drunk and providing a surround sound effect to the already LOUD music. I just felt like writing.

I spoke to Jhabs today right after dinner. She was telling me things happening in Calcutta. Things which should not be happening. People are living in a world which is very superficial. Full of materialism and no concrete things. No intangibles feelings or relationships to fall back on. We are been FORCED to give ROYAL BALLS to people we don’t want them. But there is a limit to everything. A line has to be drawn somewhere. At times the youngsters have to take on the mantle. The decisions our elders take are not always justified. They have to take decisions with loads of baggage. So it leads to biased thinking. But its ok. I am CONFIDENT AND SURE that what we are doing is correct. So no load from my side. Abhi I have gotta go. Have the first lecture tomorrow morning. I will try sleeping amongst all the peace been disrupted by the song Beede Jalayeele (I must admit a very catchy song!!). Good night.