Here are a couple of good one liners i bumped into..

 

•If a plug would not fit, would you socket?


•They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad to realize that I am going to miss mine by just a few days.


•I never make mistakes. I thought I did once, but I was mistaken...


•I will kill to win the Nobel Prize for peace.


•Philosophy is questions that may never be answered. Religion is answers that may never be questioned.


•If at first you don't succeed skydiving is not for you....


•If atheism is a religion, then health is a disease!


•That’s a nice suit you’re wearing. Who went for the fitting?


•I am confused. No wait….. Maybe I am not..


•Here I am. Now what are your other two wishes?


•Rehab is for quitters..


•The top ten reasons I procrastinate:
1.


•He who laughs last thinks slowest....


•Sometimes I wake up grumpy, other times I let him sleep...


•When there's a will I want to be in it....


•Impotence-nature's way of saying "no hard feelings"....


•Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.


•If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.


•Guys have feelings too. But like...who cares?


•"What made you marry Daddy, Mummy?"
"So you’re beginning to wonder, too!"

Deep down inside me, I am a superficial person..


•“What is your age?” Asked the Judge “Remember you are under oath. “
“Twenty-one years and some months”, the woman answered.
“How many months?” the Judge persisted.
“One hundred and eight”.